Happy New Year!
I hope your year is starting off in the right direction. Mine started with a hangover..my birthday is New Year’s Eve and this happened (thanks to my dear friend Carol who gave me this giant wine glass as a gag gift):
So on New Year’s Day, my hubs and I bingewatched Narcos into the night like slugs. And then I developed a horrible head cold – which I’m still getting over – wahh!
On the bright side, I was able to use my down time to get really clear on my goals for the year so I’m really pumped about that.
I’m also reading Gretchen Rubin’s latest book, Better than Before, which is about the fascinating topic of habits.
Her research has identified what she calls “The Four Tendencies” which she categorizes as the Upholder, the Questioner, the Obliger and the Rebel. I’m a Questioner which makes sense because I look into every nutrition claim that crosses my path and I’m always questioning why my husband wants to do something a certain way.
Anyway, the chapter I read last night tackled the subject of moderation in contrast to abstaining. It turns out that some of us are better at one over the other and some use both techniques depending on the habit or change we’re looking to make.
This is a lightbulb moment for me (and when I think about using different approaches with my clients). For some things like gluten and processed carbs – I’m a total abstainer. I have to avoid gluten because of my autoimmune disease, so that’s an easy decision. And carbs just make me feel bad, gain weight and crave more, but I know when I’m over-hungry and at a party, if there’s a bowl of potato chips, I’m all up in that. I can’t stop at 1 or even a 100 chips. It’s a wakeup call when this happens, so I just choose to abstain and use my own eating strategies most of the time.
I’m still a moderator with wine/booze. I don’t drink during the week usually, but if I’m home and decide to have a glass a wine, I can easily stop at 1 or 2 glasses (not that giant head-sized glass either – a real 5 oz serving size).
BUT, when I’m out socially or have friends over, there’s NO WAY I can stop at 1 or 2 drinks if we’re hanging out for more than a couple hours. The wine or cocktails get flowing and I’m at LEAST up to 3 drinks plus and once I hit that threshold, my sleep suffers and I feel like crap the next day. Worse, I’m full of regret and self loathing long after.
Right now I’m abstaining for 2 weeks on the PaleoCleanse and I feel clean, clear and light – a little bored, but I decided to not spread my sick germs anyway, so it’s a perfect time to do this. I’ll also abstain for 2-4 week periods throughout the year for various nutrition challenges or seasonal cleanses that I run or partake, so I feel I have a nice flow.
If you ask my friends or family, they’ll probably tell you that it’s no surprise I’m a happy abstainer and that I beat myself up too much with the amount of wine I think I should be drinking (or not drinking). Gretchen Rubin is also in the abstainer camp (she doesn’t drink or eat processed carbs) and she explains that abstaining takes the angst and negotiation out of the equation which is so freeing.
I can totally relate.
When I’m at a dinner with friends and there’s a big hunk of piping hot bread on the table. I don’t sit there and quibble with myself like, “OOOoo that bread smells so great, maybe I’ll have one slice.” or “Darn, I wish I could have some bread – POOR ME.” No, it’s already decided that I’m not eating bread so it causes me no stress or negativity. Let’s move on to all the other delicious food I’m going to eat.
So which are you? A moderator or an abstainer? Both, like me?
One of the ways to tell which approach may be best for you is the dark chocolate test described in the book. I can usually pass this easily unless I’m stressed or hormonal. Pick a favorite food like chocolate that keeps and is easy to section out. Can you have just one square or a piece per day? If so, you’re a great moderator. If not, moderation is probably not working for you in some areas.
But you get to decide what works for you – this isn’t some rigid dictate. It’s a great self awareness exercise.
Tell me some of your approaches or challenges with a trigger substance or habit. What works for you?
PS. You might notice I’m changing things up on the newsletter too. This is intentional and a way for me to write you more consistently, and personally with less formality. Let me know what you think! If you’re reading this on my blog, Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, please sign up for my newsletter and I’ll send you a 5 Steps to Mastering Clean Eating (For Life – Not Just a Month!)
Thanks for being here and make it a great year!
In love and health,
Ev
