Working with clients on their weight loss journeys for the past 8 or so years, I’ve learned a thing or two about what works and what doesn’t.
I always say that weight imbalances are a symptom of life imbalances. This can be physical for sure – the gut and hormones rule in the weight loss game – but deep down, those physical imbalances are almost always related to deeper lifestyle and mindset behaviors, which ultimately impact how we choose to eat and drink.
When people come to me to lose weight and we come up with their personalized approach, their tendency is to hunker down, follow the “rules” and expect results each week.
When it’s all shiny new and motivation is high, compliance is high, but over time, reality sets in and the habits and behaviors that need to be worked on start to surface. Weekly check-ins kinda feel like confession. I hear things like: “Ugh! I was bad.”, “I’ll be better.”, “I cheated.” “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” “I can’t help it.”, etc…Occasionally fingers will point to the plan: “This isn’t working.” or another excuse like, “I couldn’t say no – that’d be rude.”, “There were no other options, so I ate such and such.”, “I didn’t feel well, so I ate, this and that.”, “I was busy, so I just grabbed blah-diddy-blah.” Believe me, I hear ALL the excuses and I’ve used them too.
Here’s the thing:
I actually don’t worry if you mess up. I want you to, really.
Not because I need the business – LOL. I want you to make mistakes because it’s in those mistakes that we uncover deeply rooted patterns that need to be healed in order for real change – weight and life balance – to be achieved for the rest of your life.
How many times have we gone on a “diet” -Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, HCG, Ideal Protein (I could list thousands of diets – It doesn’t matter which one) only to lose a bunch of weight and gain it all back?
Hands up (#metoo)…
Why does this happen?
Because these diets are not sustainable. They’re temporary. They all work and then they all fail.
Sure, there may be that unicorn out there that loves counting points (or carbs, macros, etc) for their entire life, but for most of us: Nope. It’s just not going to happen long term.
So here’s the wisdom in weight loss that I want to share:
- The more restrictive the diet, the more likely any weight lost will be regained.
- Last spring, I dusted off this strict Macro Plan from RP Strength and followed it for 10 weeks. I was lured by their Instagram feed with amazingly ripped “Before and Afters”. They also got me with their science spiel. What I ignored was my own inner wisdom of bio-individuality and the science behind caloric restriction slowing metabolism. What works for one person, doesn’t necessarily work for another. Despite my loathing of egg whites and my lament for healthy fats, I followed the plan. I lost a little bit of weight (6lbs), but I didn’t feel great. My hormones became more imbalanced and I couldn’t continue it long term mentally, so I shifted. I didn’t regain the weight and actually lost more weight eating differently, but had I gone back to how I ate (and drank) before, the weight would have likely returned – and then some – because a restrictive approach lowers metabolic rate and leads to compensatory behavior.
- Having said that, something has to change for the body to change.
- I often use the “Attain > Maintain” principle when it comes to achieving goals – any goal. If we want to lose weight and what we’re doing isn’t getting us there, a different approach is needed. PERIOD. If refined carbohydrates and sugary foods are in the diet – they need to come out – bottom line. If you’re drinking more than a glass of wine everyday and more than 3 drinks on the weekend days, you probably need to cut back. Alcohol and high carb foods dysregulate hormones, hurt the gut and they’re highly addictive. This is why I like to work with clients over a long period of time so that we can go through the withdrawal phase, rebuild new real food habits, moderation and connect with how great we feel without those processed foods, excess alcohol, etc…Once we get to the goal using a more dialed in “ATTAIN” approach, we start to explore the ‘wiggle room’ in the “MAINTAIN” phase. Some people may be able to “get away with” a few “treats” now and then. For others, it’s a slippery slope and it isn’t worth it. It’s an important and subtle distinction between restriction and changing habits using balanced nourishing foods and the body’s built in biofeedback mechanisms – which inform us of what’s working and what’s not.
- Many of us use food to avoid feeling pain or discomfort.
- Get a piece of paper and take an inventory of all the areas in your life and rate them on a scale from 1 (awful) to 10 (awesome). Areas like family, romance/intimacy/marriage, friends, colleagues, work, bosses, past childhood experiences or trauma, finances, vocation, creativity, community, faith/spirituality, relaxation, pleasure, self care, movement/physical abilities, learning/education, sleep, how you feel in your body. Which ones rank under 5? Can you make any connections with how you may be using food, alcohol (or another habit) to avoid taking action to improve any of these areas?
- This is the gold…the deeper truth we may not want to face – that keeps us stuck. I often see this in women with work and family demands. We have a hard time balancing everything – saying no, letting go, setting boundaries and taking better care of ourselves. (Any overly attached parents out there? How about you perfectionists or control freaks (#metoo)? Pleasers, givers and martyrs, anyone? I’m talking to all of you! Lovingly, of course :)) These archetypes or patterns lead us to compensate with food, wine, shopping, etc… for relief – to numb out the overwhelm, drained feeling or depression – even anger – that comes when we don’t take the steps we need to undo what we’ve allowed or created in our lives.
- Thoughts are things. Beliefs create our reality.
- This is HUGE! We have to believe in our hearts and souls that we can, will, are and have achieved the body composition we desire. We have to – at minimum – believe it’s even possible. But I really want you to FEEL it. Tingle with it. Visualize it – as often as possible. Too often, I hear the same old story from clients:
“I never get lower than 150lbs.”, “I always regain the weight.”, “I binge eat.”, “I’m so lazy. I hate exercise. I hate cooking”, “I never stick to things.” “I’ve always been heavy.”, “I have a slow metabolism.” “Ever since I turned 40, I can’t lose the weight.”, “Ever since menopause, I can’t lose the weight”. “I look like I’m pregnant.”, “I can’t lose my belly.”, “I don’t have time to cook.” “I don’t have time to exercise.” “I’m bored.”, “I can’t eat anything “bad” or I gain weight.”
Any of these mantras sound familiar to you? I hear some version of them every single day in my work.
I work with clients to shift this self-deprecating talk and these negative beliefs more toward the ideal state they’re working toward. This positive thinking/visualization practice is life changing and it isn’t just Woo-Law of Attraction stuff either. Research has shown that athletes that visualize themselves achieving their performance goals, improve their performance and reach their goals.
It’s difficult sometimes to be positive about our bodies when we don’t like how we feel or look – I get it. I go there too sometimes. But we have to keep shifting toward acceptance and really FEELING our desired state so that actions and momentum will follow. This creates a ‘flow state’ versus a forced struggle.
You cannot attract or become something that is not in alignment with your true beliefs. Our physiology won’t let it happen.
So those are my wisdom nuggets for you today. Now it’s your turn. Tell me what you’ve learned on your journey with healing and/or weight loss. I truly believe these experiences are our most powerful teachers. <3
xo,
Ev
