My Spiritual Journey with Hashimoto’s (can apply to any Autoimmune Disease or Disease)

Although I don’t like to dwell on or wear negative health conditions or disease like a badge of honor or a Scarlet Letter, I am forever curious about what I like to call the “root root” cause of dis-ease – both for my clients and myself.

How did this condition get here?  What triggers brought it into being?

Since we know the body is a self healing mechanism (aka a freakin’ miracle), the idea that autoimmune disease – like Hashimoto’s – is ‘self attacking self’ – the thyroid tissue in this case – doesn’t make any sense to me.

Why would my infinitely intelligent being launch an attack on my own thyroid gland???

I spent the last week and a half watching 10+ hours of the Docu-series, The Thyroid Secret offered by the Thyroid Pharmacist, Dr. Izabella Wentz. She did a great job of gathering experts and patients to share their clinical pearls and experiences with Thyroid Disease – mainly Hashimoto’s (autoimmune hypothyroid disease), but the series also covered Grave’s disease and other thyroid disorders. I have her book and even saw her speak at a conference last year in NYC.

There was one very important episode in the series that covered childhood trauma – or ACE’s – Adverse Childhood Experiences – and how they relate to increased incidence of illness – particularly autoimmune diseases. Studies have shown that 64% of patients with autoimmune disease also report some sort of trauma earlier in life.

Looking into my childhood, which was a solid ‘B’ if I had to grade it,  nothing really, really extreme happened to me besides intermittent bullying (including bullying by nuns – which is a whole other story), some family yelling and an attempted minor sexual assault by some creeper boy while I was walking home from school one day in third grade (he tried to lift my catholic school girl skirt and take my underwear down – but I quiveringly said ‘no’ and ran away.)  I was traumatized for sure, but it’s not like there was rape, war, ongoing abuse or neglect going on. Really just a handful of minor traumatic incidences with a few emotional scars – nothing scarring physically. I doubt my ACE Score would even make the cut.

Turns out, that can be enough for the body-mind to create patterns of protection and hyper-vigilance.

And from doing tons of bodywork and inner work, these are patterns I’ve carried for sure…and…I also have autoimmune thyroid disease.

The thyroid is the master gland of the body located in the throat, it runs our metabolism. Every cell in the body has thyroid receptors. From an energetic standpoint it’s part of the throat “chakra” – or energy center.  This throat chakra is all about balanced expression.

I grew up with the label of “shy” and quiet.   I run on the introverted side and have been called intuitive and empathetic.  I feel what others feel.

There’s nothing wrong with these tendencies – in fact, I consider most of them ‘my gifts’ – they help me work more deeply with others on their healing journey.

Verbal expression is a key part of being human and it’s important that it be in balance.

Some people over-express themselves and some of us, under-express. I’m consistently working on finding my voice in an authentic way. It’s very important in order to achieve harmony in life and it’s one of my biggest challenges.

I’m getting better, but for the most part, I’d much rather lay low, keep the peace, avoid an uncomfortable situation and not rock the boat, than to confront an issue that might upset someone and cause a counter attack. It may seem like I’m “letting things go”, “calm and chill” or “taking the high road”, but this pattern is actually quite self serving, fear based and self-protective – and it creates a stifling, unexpressed energy that creates imbalances in the body.

You may know others who thrive on conflict or drama, express themselves loudly (or even violently), they may be over the top, boisterous or always share their opinion – that’s not necessarily balanced either.

Just like with any imbalance, health conditions and behavioral patterns are multifactorial. It’s not like there’s a direct 1:1 correlation, but rather, they are pieces of a complex puzzle.

Along with our innate personality tendencies, there are genetic factors, epigenetics, the birthing process, breastfeeding, antibiotics, exposures to viruses and other pathogens, toxins/heavy metals, alcohol, coffee, sugar, gluten, and God knows what else in this chemical soup we live in these days. These, along with lifestyle and behavioral patterns can all create stress – actual stress and subconscious stress – along with perceived STRESS in the body.

When the body systems – particularly the nervous system, immune system, digestive and detox systems are in balance, most of us can deal with the exposures – chemical, bio-chemical, metabolic, viral, emotional, etc…but there’s a tipping point – and over the course of a lifetime, when we get older especially (but we find it in younger and younger people nowadays) that’s when the tipping point gets reached and symptoms and diseases start to emerge.

This is where our spiritual connection becomes critical in my opinion

If I were to focus solely on what’s physically wrong with me through blood testing, saliva, stool, supplements, medications, diet and lifestyle and not address the emotional and spiritual aspects of how I internalized my traumas and took on their burden (in the only way I knew how), I would experience a lifetime of searching outside – for what’s already within.

This is not to beat myself up for seeking optimal health, but it’s important to shine the light on (in my case), deeply buried pain, false beliefs and avoidance patterns. Forgiving myself, forgiving others  (even God) for what was ‘done’ to me – for allowing these things to happen – while taking full responsibility for the patterns I continue to default to now as an adult.

Can I let these things go? Surrender them?

Am I safe?  (the answer is YES).

And as I really, deeply see what’s going on and forgive, I’m left with immense gratitude for my experiences – good and bad. These experiences, my patterns – are my true teachers.

I’m not a victim.  And I didn’t cause what happened in my life.  Those traumas – no matter how slight I make them – just happened. At a very early age, I developed compensation patterns in order to ‘survive’ or make sense of them. These patterns served me pretty darn well, I’d say. I’ve accomplished so, so much – a beautiful family, great relationships, advanced education, amazing experiences  – it’s truly a great life.

Forgiveness naturally shifts to gratitude. This is Grace.

So why am I sharing all this?  I want to invite you to reflect on your own journey.  Unpack where you are now and connect some of those dots. How did your patterns and imbalances come into being? Where do they show up in your body or life?

We all have them. The first step is being aware of them.

Next: Can we commit to shifting patterns? For me, it’s been a long, still ongoing process. It’s a ‘one step forward, two steps back’ kinda thing. One of my body workers explained it as a spiral. I love that, because it emphasizes the nature of the growth process – nothing is linear. We may think we’ve forgiven, we may wake up with gratitude and peace, but then we find a little residue or resentment, tension or reactivity that surfaces.  This is good! We just have to continue in the process over and over again:

Awareness > Forgiveness > Gratitude > New pattern > Old patterns creep up > Repeat process

Combining this with functional medicine and nutrition/lifestyle approaches, it’s a constant balance and path forward progression between monitoring my symptoms and labs, applying my nutrition, movement, sleep, fun, service, self care (EXTERNAL) and being acutely aware and present for myself, surrendering all I can (INTERNAL/SPIRITUAL), speaking my truth, more and more, coming out of hiding, facing discomfort and fears.

Assuring myself when I want to hide inside and bite my tongue, avoid conflict, that “I am safe.”, “I am supported.” “I am being guided.. and I am protected. I’M TOTALLY OK.”

I deeply wish the same – or better – for you on your journey.

OK – Please don’t leave me hanging! Does this resonate? Please share your story either here, in a private message or in the private page.

xo.

Ev