Are you showing up for what it is you want for your life?
Do you dream about how you’d like your life to be?
Do you picture or visualize how you’d like to FEEL in your body and mind?
…how you’d like to look, move, act, connect with others and experience life?
…how you deal with stress, disappointment, transition and how that impacts your relationship with food or alcohol?
How often are you showing up for yourself with this vision, dream or goal?
Always? Sometimes? Rarely?….
Never?
Do you find yourself feeling stuck? Like your feet are being weighed down in nearly dry cement?
Where you’re doing things that basically negate what it is you truly want? Things that hold you back or that directly contradict what you KNOW you “should” do?
(Donning that tired, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ or that old ‘I don’t know. I just self sabatoge’ moniker. Or ‘I can’t help it…it’s like something just takes over.’).
You may have a few days of following through and “being good”, but then you just seem to putter out and revert back to the old pattern.
You want to give up because it’s just too hard. It seems impossible.
You messed up, you weren’t “perfect” – and that old ‘all or nothing’ loop replays over and over again.
Maybe you chase something shiny and new to try?
A new diet, a new workout, new supplements.
But here’s the truth, those external things you seek will NOT get you to the other side.
Why?
There’s a gap.
It’s the gap between where you are NOW – with all the thoughts, feeling, actions and patterns that got you there….and where you want to be…
Here’s the truth:
The thoughts, feeling, actions and patterns you repeatedly revert to…
WILL NEVER GET YOU TO THE OTHER SIDE.
You need to let go of those old ways-of-being to get there…
It’s scary, uncomfortable and overwhelming thinking about crossing that gap. It just seems too daunting.
It seems waaay easier to not cross the gap – But is it? in the long run?
When you’re still stuck, when you’re buying bigger sizes and stretchy pants…when you feel worse and worse…or when you’re up at night worrying about all the things going wrong in your life…
Isn’t that ‘stuck place’ even harder? More tortuous?
I’m telling you right now that whatever you want is SOOO possible.
But yep, it IS scary.
It IS uncomfortable – and it can seem overwhelming, but only because you THINK it is.
And you are ALWAYS in charge of your thoughts.
You’re also responsible for your actions – as well as your inaction and avoidance.
Your action or inaction reflect how you’re choosing to show up for yourself.
You can come up with a million excuses and rationalizations.
You can blame the approach, the time of year, everyone else, what’s going on in the world, your genes, your personality, your hormones, trauma, karma and all of your life circumstances, but your outcome – your results – are 100% on you – and they are a reflection of how you choose to show up for yourself.
Here’s the tough love:
There are no excuses.
There may be unforeseen circumstances that you need to overcome once in a while, but if these things are happening and you haven’t created a work-around, that’s also on you.
It’s on you to mitigate the causes and to figure out how to overcome the challenges and to prevent them from recurring or surrender them and move forward.
This is called resilience – and as a human, you are BUILT for it.
This leap takes focus, vigilance, awareness, a DEEP desire (not a surface-y/’wouldn’t that be nice’ half-assed desire) and it takes unwavering commitment.
YOU GOTTA REALLY WANT IT AT ALL COSTS.
Otherwise, I’m sorry to say, but you probably won’t make it to the other side of the gap without them…simply because your lower brain will tell you that it’s easier to stay stuck…so don’t bother….(but you KNOW how miserable it is to be stuck, don’t you?)
I have a reflection exercise that’s like holding up a mirror.
TO get the pump primed, here are some common excuses I’ve used and heard when it comes to health, change and weight loss:
- There was nothing else to eat.
- I don’t feel like it.
- I just wanted it.
- They expected me to join in. I didn’t want to be rude – or make it obvious that I’m working on my diet/health.
- Work is so stressful. My boss/coworker/staff did XYZ. Another project got dumped on me. Deadlines, blah blah blah
- I have so many family demands.
- I’m lonely.
- I’m going through a terrible ordeal.
- I can’t deal with this right now.
- So and so kept filling my drink (or plate).
- I have no time.
- I have no money.
- I’m exhausted.
- I deserve it.
- I can’t go to bed that early. What?! – without my phone by my head! No way! What if there’s an emergency?!
- I hate water.
- I hate exercise.
- I don’t know what to eat. I need someone to tell me exactly what I should eat. I need recipes, a meal plan, etc..
- This diet doesn’t work.
- This approach isn’t fast enough. I need to eat less, restrict myself and exercise more.
- It’s my past, my disease or my mental state.
- “I’m an emotional eater.” “I always do this. I sabotage myself” “I have Hashimoto’s”. “Ugh, menopause!” or “Ugh – My period!”
- I don’t really care. I give up.
- And the most dangerous excuse: I don’t know why.
Don’t let this reflection exercise be another weapon for you to beat yourself up, but I DO want you to be real and honest.
What excuses ring true for you?
Get a piece of paper and a pen and start writing these things down and then get clear on the following:
- What do you really want?
- Do you really want what you say you want? (Yes!!! Not sure? Either one is fine, just write your truth down and get very clear.)
- Why do you want it? Go deep here.
- What will your life look like when you get to the other side?
- What will change for the better?
- What may have to change when this happens that may disrupt your life and the people in it?
- What may you have to deal with that could be difficult?
- What is happening in your life or mind right now that is preventing you from showing up for yourself and from crossing the gap? (List everything – and definitely go beyond the food piece, because it’s rarely about the food – that’s the easiest part to fix.)
- What can you change – today, tomorrow, further down the road?
- What are the things you can’t change or work around? < For this last one, are you sure there’s no other way? Or are you scared to change or let go of this pattern or part of your life? Why?
Finally, write down and commit to letting go of what needs to be let go – changing what needs to change – adding what needs to be added – and schedule/task list everything you need to be doing each and every day to get where you say you want to be. Whether that be reaching out to me, another coach or practitioner or enlisting a friend…whatever it is, start taking steps…
You need to become focused and aligned about this – you need to be SO damned determined and convicted in it happening…no matter what…
If not, the ‘charge’ or spark – may be too weak for you to leave your old patterns. You’ll revert right back.
Be sure to check in on your progress at the end and beginning of each day and COMMIT to not giving up – even if you slip a bit (or even more than a bit).
Expect to mess up once in a while. And when you do, simply get back up and try again.
This is not an all or nothing, perfectionist path.
You’re absolutely supposed to fall down – to fail – to not be perfect at it. It’s supposed to be hard and uncomfortable – or else the dream isn’t big or important enough.
“Failure isn’t falling down. Failure is not getting up after you have fallen down.”
~Richard Nixon
I’m here for you if you need support as you start to really show up for yourself. I can offer clarity and accountability either 1:1 or in my programs.
It’s time to show up.
