What role does food or alcohol (or any bad habit) play in your life?
For many, these habits or patterns may fill a void – whether it’s to attain comfort or to avoid discomfort (pain, overwhelm, urges).
The word void is defined as a “completely empty space”.
But is it?
Empty?
I would argue that it may SEEM empty, but in truth, your void may very well contain traumas, experiences, identities or beliefs that have been covered up because they’re just too uncomfortable or painful to revisit, feel and release.
But here’s what happens when we cover up the pain and replace it with emptiness (aka: the void):
The energy of the pain or discomfort is still there.
You can sweep it under the rug, hide it, escape from it, pretend everything’s just hunky-dory, but it’s STILL THERE.
It festers.
And now you’ve taught yourself that you must “fill the void” in order to feel better and/or to prevent that pain from resurfacing.
How is the void filled typically? (pick one or more or insert your habit, addiction, behavior below):
- overeating or eating things that don’t work for your body
- over drinking
- drugs
- sex
- shopping
- overthinking/obsessing
- technology (TV, phone, tablet, gaming)
- perfectionism
- creating drama
- deflecting blame
- neediness
- avoidance/procrastination
- self harm
- playing the victim
- over-anything (overexercising, over-seeking, over-learning, over-socializing, over-isolating, over-self-caring)
Basically it’s overdoing anything that serves as a distraction – ANYTHING to avoid FEELING what’s in that void.
This is completely human by the way, but in most cases, constantly filling the void COMPOUNDS the problem by creating more problems….(weight gain, poor health, debt, stress, strained relationships, etc..)
…AND/OR it prolongs the healing that’s necessary for you to move forward…making it more difficult for you to connect the dots as to why the void was created in the first place.
Filling the void = Avoiding the root cause that created it.
So….if you feel stuck or blocked – or feel like you keep repeating the same patterns over & over again, recognize that you may be CHOOSING this behavior to fill a void (thus avoiding the root cause).
It’s not the behavior that’s the problem, it’s what’s DRIVING the behavior.
For example, if you’re overeating or overdrinking and gaining weight/hurting your health, it’s not about food or alcohol.
The food and alcohol just ARE.
It’s about WHY you’re USING food or alcohol to fill a void.
Ask:
- What void am I trying to fill with this behavior? You don’t necessarily need to relive trauma (do so with a professional if needed), but you DO need to be aware that you may be compensating for something in your past – no matter how big or small the trauma is or how recent or far back it goes.
- Am I WILLING to see, feel and release this story, this pattern and/or this pain or discomfort? If you’re not, guess what? This pain-body energy will remain in your body and energy field festering, distorting itself, compounding the dysfunction….no matter how much you deflect and distract by filling the void with something else (including dieting, constantly needing to lose weight or seeking “what’s wrong with you” < I know, because I did this myself – for 30 years!).
- Can I TRUST that I am capable of moving through these painful/uncomfortable feelings? You can. Get help if you need it – but just know that your feelings can’t kill you. They are literally just sensations in the body. They’re not pleasant, of course, but they’re not dangerous. Breathe, journal, be still, move your body and/or talk to a friend, coach or therapist to move through these feelings.
- Will I be vigilant of the thoughts and subconscious patterns that will arise as I commit to this inner work of feeling the void? These patterns and thoughts are probably second nature to you. Meaning your brain has developed strong neural pathways and internal justifications so that when the sensation of those negative emotions arise in your body, your brain automatically generates an INSTANTANEOUS URGE to “fill the void”. Shifting these mindless/misaligned patterns may seem impossible and hopeless, but your POWER is in knowing that they ARE changeable – as long as you’re committed to working through those feelings – even if you’re not always perfect. (< again, this is something I had to work on too…those ‘all or nothing’, disciplined, rigid rules I’d give myself which were soooo unsustainable and self-defeating)
The bottom line is you need to FEEL what’s beneath the void that you’re trying to FILL with other things or ways of being. The void has no power over you because it’s created BY YOU. You are capable of working through those painful, uncomfortable feelings that are longing to be seen, loved and transformed so that you can truly embody who you really are.
xo,
Ev
