Dancing With Urges

Working on all things “MINDSET” as of late, I’ve gotten really good at observing my own brain.

It’s INSANE how it works against me some times – A LOTTA times, in fact…

I happen to notice it recently when I was making dinner.

I felt urges to pour a glass of wine while I was whipping up a yummy sauce to go with my salmon.

BEFORE I SHARE MY REALIZATION, let’s just break down some URGE basics:

• Urges are sensations that exist because of the thoughts we create.
• Urges seem URGENT…They are SO VERY compelling!
• The thoughts YOU create serve as the necessary bridge that leads to the urge or desire for the “thing”. (YOU create them!)
• Without the thought aligning to the ‘thing” – there is no urge connection – there might be an unsettling feeling, but it’s not zoned in on its target (yet).
• This URGE anatomy is even true of habits. It’s just with habits, the thoughts are VERY automated and super fast in the subconscious mind. But the thoughts are still there driving the habit…You just have to slow down to catch them.
• You desire the “THING” because of your experience* with it and it’s association with pleasure, release – or sometimes as a means to distract you from discomfort or pain.
• Consuming the “THING” satisfies receptors in your brain (Dopamine being one) but it doesn’t necessarily result in any actual pleasure. Dopamine is more of just the “DRIVE to get it and feel better” signal (even though ‘it’ can actually make you feel worse).

*This is why I can honestly say I’ve NEVER had an URGE to shoot up heroin – even though it’s incredibly addictive. That’s because I’ve never had exposure to it – nor any pleasurable (or pain reducing) effect with it – and so I’ve thankfully never created an association to heroin within my brain. Phew!

But WINE on the other hand….there’s been an association there for sure.

It’s both pleasure and release.

Usually when I’m at home, alcohol offers a release of the tension or pressure brought on by thoughts building throughout the day…

…when going out and socializing, alcohol is connected to the thoughts that my brain associates with a person, people or situations involving connection and having fun.

Over the years I’ve fine-tuned my thought skills that better equip me to master what I think and do – including what I choose to eat and drink – so that I live with peace and ease when it comes to life, food, alcohol and my body…(This is a HUGE part of my work!)

But in my personal framework, I don’t drink alcohol during the week – unless I’m going out with a friend for some reason (which rarely happens mid-week).

Just because I have a “FRAMEWORK” doesn’t mean I don’t indulge.

I do indulge – every week, in fact. I BUILD INDULGENCES INTO MY FRAMEWORK (and I encourage my clients and students to do the same.)

And YET even with all my Mindset Mastery work urges still come for me.

Oh YES, they SURELY do!

And they did the other evening while I was cooking away.

And you know what I did with those urge thoughts?

I observed my mind dancing with them!

It literally felt like I was there dancing with Patrick Swayze (but if you were in my head it would seem more like Patrick ‘Cwayze’)!

In my mind, I could picture myself pouring a glass of my favorite Cab.

There was a half empty bottle, just sitting there in the other room.

Maybe I’d turning on some music too.

My brain painted this lovely – very chill – scenario…with me cooking a fantastic meal with a glass of wine and some Ray LaMontagne playing in the background.

“Ya – this way I could really GET into that asian-sauce making thing…Infuse it with some MORE LOVE because – with the wine – I’ll be LOOSER – more relaxed. MMM – it’ll taste so good. Oh ya, baby!“

Imagine the pleasure! The release!

Then as I continued dancing, more level-headed urge thoughts came to me like,

“Come on – just one…it won’t really matter.”,

And then….more practical thoughts behind that one, like:

“Ya – that bottle’s been open a few days…it’ll probably be sour tomorrow. Might as well finish it.”

And then the old standby’s urge thoughts: “I deserve it.” “Sure! Why not?!” “Eff it!”

So I danced with Cwayze Pat for a while.

In under 30 minutes, there were DOZENs more thoughts that presented themselves (AT LEAST 50 more!).

Each one more cunning, subtle – or aggressive and convincing – than the last.

I observed the thoughts ‘cutting in’…

“May I have this dance?“

…stirring up sensations in my body…causing confusion..creating compelling cases…friction…

It was pretty funny as an observer – and frankly, it was also a bit draining.

Amidst this dance, I actually thought about YOU….

I created a new line of thoughts:

“Oooo, I’m writing about this NEXT WEEK!”

…and so I PIVOTED…a little step-ball-change if you will…

I got REALLY jazzed up – because now I was a FULLY ENGAGED OBSERVER of my brain and..

POOF, the urge was suddenly gone.

DONE!

TOTAL Buzzkill!

Higher level thinking saves the day!

So ya – I put “Baby in the corner”…and I chose not to have any wine that night. YAY me!

But I share all of this – not because I don’t want you to drink wine during the week…

This is not about conquering URGES with unshakeable will power, STEELY inner strength and cool new NINJA mind tricks.

This is about relearning the skill of conscious attention and practicing being with whatever thoughts you’re choosing – so that you can then choose what’s actually the best choice for YOU.

As a grown-ass adult – you get to decide WHATEVER choices are best for you, but don’t let the choices you make be based on some old default programming that’s playing on REPEAT – making you feel stuck and miserable.

This is about getting off of REPEAT – that autopilot setting – ending the mindless eating and/or drinking cycle – and either choosing not to dance at ALL in the first place – or at least paying attention to the dance going on in your brain and making conscious, higher level choices from there.