If you Google the definition of sober – really break down its meaning, you may be surprised. I know I was. Technically, I could call myself ‘sober’ even though I still enjoy alcohol – especially really good wine. 🙂
But in the realm of alcoholism and addiction, the terms ‘sober’ and ‘sobriety’ are mostly known as “all or nothing” states. You either drink or you don’t – at all.
Which is why I have a problem with using the word sober for me, despite the fact that the official definition 100% applies:
As I’ve shared, I’m personally not practicing complete alcohol abstinence since I’m not an addict or dysfunctional with alcohol. The abstinence approach feels far too extreme for me – it smacks of my past relationship with food restriction – that perfectionistic, orthorexic, Whole30 mentality that I’ve been growing out of over the recent years.
Not that anyone really cares, but if I were to identify as “sober” and let’s say I post a selfie of me enjoying a glass of wine, I KNOW I would offend many people who celebrate complete alcohol abstinence who identify themselves as sober.
I know it’s semantics and this is just a word, but these words are seriously charged and I want to respect that. Overcoming addiction is a huge challenge and accomplishment and I honor everyone in their process.
When it comes to alcohol, I practice moderation. As I’ve shared, my intention, desire and vision for myself is to change my pattern of using alcohol to numb out. I no longer use it to escape or mask negative feelings, so that I can be 100% mindful and allow myself to feel that icky discomfort that alcohol so effectively diffuses.
In other words I am choosing to be very moderate and intentional with my use of alcohol. To be that person that can ‘take it or leave it’.
Many of the alcohol resources I’m researching seem to favor complete abstinence as the most liberating, powerful choice and I can see why.
It takes a LOT of mental energy to be 100% mindful in choosing to moderate alcohol. Choosing to not have a glass or choosing to have one glass (or 2) is a lot harder – especially socially (for me) – than sliding down the slippery slope of having more – say 3 or 4 glasses.
When you abstain, it’s ironically sooo much easier. Your choice is already made.
There’s no mind game to wrestle with as you negotiate and rationalize: “Will I drink tonight? Should I stop at one or have another? How do I feel right now?”
These are tough decisions to make and when compounded with the early effects of being intoxicated. It takes mega effort and honest self awareness. Your physiology/neurochemistry will likely nudge you to have more.
I think back at the time when I was addicted to cigarettes in my early 20s. That choice to quit was very difficult, but once it was made, I was done. Even back then, I realized there was no upside to smoking. It’s a disgusting habit. It’s expensive, unhealthy, cancer causing, toxic, aging, ugly, stupid, smelly and inconvenient. It owns you. I had no desire to have a cigarette even occasionally after I quit. I didn’t trust myself to be one of those social smokers. All or nothing worked perfectly for me when it came to smoking.
Another abstinence substance in my life is food related – gluten. When I finally succumbed to the complete elimination of gluten in my diet; I was done. Even though I wavered back and forth for a few years, I finally accepted it. It’s not even a question now. I don’t eat gluten. Period. It’s not worth the price (inflammation, headaches, autoimmune activation). I don’t sit there and contemplate having a sandwich or pizza. The decision is made. It’s just super easy for me to abstain.
A better parallel of where I am with alcohol can be made with where carbs stand in my life. Since I’m Keto-adapted and enjoy all the benefits of being in ketosis (if you’re Keto too, you know what I mean: hardly hungry, great energy, mental clarity, good mood, fat loss/effortless weight maintenance and delicious food); my choice to have carbs is very selective and minimal.
This is my desired relationship with wine now too. “Worth it” Carbs and really good wine is completely pleasurable to me. If I’m at a restaurant and all they have is Yellow Tail wine (in a plastic cup) and limp frozen carrots, I’d rather go without. But a French Bordeaux in a Riedel stem with perfectly roasted fingerling potatoes? So worth it!
Ya – I’m a total wine and food snob. It actually helps me with moderation, so I’m not going to apologize.
I know carbs and wine are not doing much for me health-wise – especially too many – but sometimes you want to have the thing. Actually, in moderation, I’d argue that a glass of wine relaxes my genetically jacked-up nervous system and a small serving of whole foods based carbohydrates stimulates thyroid hormone conversion. 🙂
So, last week I chose a couple of roasted delicata squash rings with dinner. So sweet and delicious!
This weekend it might be a glass of Pinot Noir. No bid deal!
I’m not going to have the entire winter squash nor will I have the whole bottle of Pinot.
This is MY moderation and I’m loving it. Tell me about yours – or tell me your experience or thoughts with abstinence or sobriety in the comments below or via email. I’d love to hear your story.
xo, Ev
