If you struggle with poor body image, dysmorphia or “not-enough-ness”, I have a powerful practice for you…
When I tell you this has drastically transformed my life, I’m not exaggerating.
You’ve heard the expression, “Your Perceptions Create Your Reality“, right?
For me, this resonated, but I wasn’t able to apply it to certain areas of my life where I continually struggled.
I’d always perceived myself as a very practical, independent, analytical, reliable, in-control, somewhat perfectionistic and very knowledgable person.
Maybe these traits came from being a Capricorn, the first born of “Irish twins”, or being the product of 2 hard-working Irish immigrants…
Maybe they came from society – my Catholic School upbringing and 20 years of corporate grooming..
Perhaps they’re protective adaptations from being bullied and emotionally suppressed as a child…
Whatever the source, eventually these false structures began to break down and it became clear that my identities and protections no longer served me. They were masking my truth and authenticity.
Because I was unaware, mis-attuned and unhealed, the truth was that my “shadow side” was deeply insecure and never felt good enough. My adaptations attempted to hide my shadow. This kinda worked for a time…BUT…
My ego protections devolved to become maladaptive to the point where they started to effect my physical and mental health and how I experienced and perceived myself, my body and my life.
The more I held onto these protections, the more I lost myself – the more I drank or ate or shopped over them, the more inflamed and sensitive my body became.
The most destructive, draining and sticky area for me to heal was (and still is) in how I viewed myself – my body image and looks, my health, how I age and what I “do” (my performance, money, my productivity, how I’m seen by others as a mother, daughter, woman, etc).
Essentially, my survival brain (ego, mental/masculine aspects) learned to equate all of the above with my sense of self – my value and self-worth.
In other words, “success” in these areas equated to my “safety”, security and my sense of feeling “enough” – acceptable in the eyes of society, peers and those I loved.
Breaking down these lifelong perceptions and insecurities has been the most important inner work I’ve embarked upon BY FAR….
AND let me tell you it’s a PRACTICE…this is not a quick flip of the switch.
In fact, I really suck at it sometimes – especially when it comes to my body image.
But each time I succumb to my inner despair and dissatisfaction, instead of resorting to self-criticism, self-loathing and trying to figure out some “fix”(via food rules, restriction, research, supplements, testing, etc); I now go to this PRACTICE I’m going to share with you now:
METHODS: Writing, embodiment and speaking.
I rely on journaling along with various coaching, somatic and intuitive tools.
I also share regularly with a few close friends and I lean on my own coach/healing groups to help me through big blocks.
PROCESS:
- NOTICE – You’ve got to see your patterns to transform them. Some of our tendencies are SO engrained and automatic, that we often miss them or feel they’re unchangeable facts. Next thing you know, you’ve activated the neural pathways of protection and compensation. You’re triggered or your inner critic takes over…or your tendency to feel righteous, to “fix it” and/or to hide numb/escape kicks-in – often this is where physical symptoms and “addictions” arise. Don’t negate them. Instead, you have to create room for them – more space and time to notice what you’re REALLY doing either as the patterns come up – or afterward when you’re dealing with the fall-out, resentment and regret.
- ASSESS – Take an inner inventory of the sensations in your body, in your mind/ thoughts, your beliefs and your urges that may arise for you to fix, ignore or escape those feelings. At this stage, it’s CRITICAL that you practice the 3 C’s: CALM ~ COMPASSIONATE ~ CURIOSITY. It’s OK that you observe, for example, inner disgust or despair if you catch an unflattering image of yourself. It’s OK that you sucked-it-up and suppressed or people pleased/enabled others instead of honoring your boundaries, your needs and feelings. Your practice is to gently move through those energies into calm, compassionate curiosity as part of the assessment process. WHY is this showing up for me? WHY do I feel this way? What’s the deeper reason or fear I’m not facing? Once you tease out more of the roots of your automatic reactions, you have something REAL you can work with.
- SHIFT – In this step, you have more access to your true power. In fact, this is your most critical choice-point. You can choose:
A. To continue the patterns of adaptation, avoidance and compensation. You can choose to perpetuate the beliefs, fears, lack, identities, the pressures and false perceptions that you now know are maladaptive.
OR
B. You can choose to PRACTICE SHIFTING into something more aligned, attuned, authentic, true and loving.
You can choose self acceptance, self-expression, trusting in more aligned possibilities.
This may or may not lead to inspired action – that’s not the goal – whatever it is you wish to feel, believe and experience in your present moment reality is what you are choosing here.
For me, this sometimes sounds like: “OK I’m experiencing this for a reason. This isn’t happening TO me. Part of me created this experience FOR me so that I can learn, evolve and heal more. So that I can unconditionally love and accept myself. So that I can let-go of these false perceptions and beliefs. So that I can be finally free.“
I may also shift my focus to what’s really good in my life, both in my physical experience and in my deeper consciousness. I always realize I’m selling myself short. I’m not appreciating how far I’ve come and how incredible life is.
If it feels impossible to shift, it may be that you need more reflection or you may need to build more capacity and space to feel safe in shifting. This might also be where you reach out for support.
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If you start to implement this practice. on your own, please let me know what comes up for you…
And please be patient – but also consistent (which doesn’t mean perfect)…
Commit to practicing and eventually you’ll come more and more into your true self, your peace, your freedom…
Remember you’re coming back into BEING YOU – the REAL YOU – not the YOU you thought you had to be to be safe and lovable…
The YOU that’s here now – always – just waiting for you.
xo,
Ev
