“You can’t escape from prison until you acknowledge you’re in prison.” ~Ram Dass
Since childhood, we’ve all faced challenges…Some challenges may have been very traumatic, others more subtle.
Where ever your challenges fall on the “trauma spectrum”, your PERCEPTIONS are what matter – because how you perceived your experiences as a child laid the foundation for the adaptations that may be keeping you trapped in a self-made prison today.
What are “adaptations”?
Generally speaking, adaptations are the ways in which your body and behavior compensate and protect you when you feel “unsafe”.
Perceptions of safety (or lack thereof) are managed by the brain and the Autonomic Nervous System which will signal “stress” to the rest of the body.
The response is unique to each individual and can be further categorized as fight, flight, freeze or appease.
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Metabolically, this can look like fat storage, inflammation or some sort of metabolic, systemic or immune dysfunction, etc..
Behaviorally, this can look like dissociation, addiction, disordered eating, OCD, anxiety, depression, avoidance, overreacting, over-ing, people pleasing, etc..
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What do I mean by “unsafe”?
This is how your mind interprets a situation or interaction in relation to your sense of feeling loved, cared for, accepted and unharmed.
As children, this survival mechanism can be so sensitive, that even an unconscious frown from a parent could trigger insecurity and be perceived as “unsafe” thus triggering an adaptive response.
How you adapted is completely unique, however there is evidence that demonstrates physiological and behavioral adaptations can be passed down from generation to generation.
Like when we hear things like: “XYZ runs in the family.” and blame it on sucky genes, it may be more about the learned adaptations that became “maladaptive” – thus contributing to the disease state or disorder.
This is actually a super empowering paradigm shift because your “doomed genetics” can absolutely lay dormant (forever!) as long as you do the work and break free from the prison of epigenetic self-protection and adaptation.
How do I get out of this NOW as a Grown-Up?
I’ll share a bit of my story (reflect on your own as you read).
I had a pretty “normal” upbringing. No chronic abuse, neglect or trauma. Just run of the mill kid stuff. Some yelling, bullying and stressed out parents at times, but I was cared for and provided with all I needed to survive and even thrive.
I was the first born of 4. My parents are Irish immigrants – not ones to be touchy-feely with emotions or to tolerate acting-out much.
One of my childhood adaptations that helped me feel more loved and secure was to be quiet, well behaved and to hide or suppress my emotions.
Even though I was loved, this adaptation grew from my childlike perception of “not being loved enough” or perhaps losing love by making others angry or upset…
My highly sensitive and insecure inner child figured out that it was safer for me to lay low and lock my heart up – than to allow that emotional part of me to run free….so into the cage she went and my protector mind took over…
Later on I became more of the typical over-achiever/perfectionist control-freak persona with school, stuff, looks and career. I had stages and phases of rebellion for sure and I also very effectively learned to use my wit and self deprecating or snarky humor as an effective buffer and shield.
Although my adaptations and protections created a lot of outward achievement and “success”, my self-created prison revealed itself in several ways:
- Metabolically and behaviorally with weight struggles and using food and alcohol to calm and escape.
- Autoimmune thyroid disease and a host of other issues around the gut, detox, hormones and my immune system throughout my 30s and 40s.
- Chronic underlying tension and hyper-vigilance in my nervous system. Although well hidden, this would show up as postural compensations, imbalances, exhaustion, flares and sometimes severe pain or dull aches/inflammation in the body —- along with other coping behaviors like overworking, overexercise, constantly researching and learning – getting more degrees or certifications, over-spending/shopping, social media, TV, etc…
- Dissociation from my body. I often felt detached like I was floating above myself.
- My relationships were slanted more toward me being the “savior”, the problem solver, authority, coach and counselor to avoid the vulnerability of being just me. Sharing my emotions, making mistakes or not knowing the answer felt too risky and painfully uncomfortable. (It still does at times.)
- A belief in lack – “not enough” and “not good enough” pushing me to constantly strive, struggle, seek and be “better than”.
My adaptations in childhood created a maladaptive “prison” of suppressing emotions where I wasn’t safe in being fully myself. (Heck – I did such a good job hiding, I’m still really really discovering more of myself each and every day.)
I’d also unknowingly created a ceiling on the amount of pleasure, presence, joy and creativity I could experience…
On the surface everything “looked” great – sometimes even perfect!
I didn’t realize the prison I was in.
I definitely didn’t have the self awareness to accept that I was the one that created it!
It wasn’t my parents, the systems or society.
It was me.
As a mature adult now – it is your responsibility to let go of the childhood shackles you placed upon yourself and DO THE WORK (as they say). Inner and Outer.
And although I’ve been spending the last decade and a half unraveling all I’d woven so tightly within myself, you don’t need to take that slow road.
You can start by deconstructing the top 1-3 areas in your life where you struggle the most. If you can go within yourself deep enough, you’ll probably find a connection to a childhood protection that needs to be set free.
PRO TIP: If one of your struggles is health related, you must must must move past the temptation to focus more on the “outer” stuff. You must go to the “inner” place as well…In other words, go within – and go way way deeper than diet, lifestyle, doctors, diagnosis and genetics. That’s a rabbit hole I was in for 25+ years.
Please let me know if this resonates and reach out if you need help either getting started or moving through…
xo,
Ev
