My Definition of “Over-ing”:
verb
– the act of overdoing anything – including overeating, over drinking, over spending, over thinking, overanalyzing, over scheduling, over giving, over watching/scrolling/gaming/distracting, etc, etc…
I remember going to physical therapy for my usually-tight neck and asking the therapist if he could shut off my brain while he was at it….Or better yet, just pop my head right offa me. 🙂
My over thinking brain can feel like a clothes dryer with no off button.
It just spins around throwing all these random thoughts out to see if I (my conscious mind) might take hold of something.
Sometimes the thoughts are mild curiosities…“what’s that actor’s name? how old is Sandra Bullock? how much is that hair tool, sectional or VRBO? what color is that paint? what kind of bird, tree, flower, plant or mushroom is that? is it edible? is it medicinal?” etc, etc and on and on….
Sometimes the thoughts are worrisome…“how are my kids doing? wtf is going on in the world? what will happen? what’s that symptom or behavior mean? what’s wrong with me? what will so and so think of me? do we have enough? am I enough?”…
Often these thoughts are should’s, shouldn’t’s or gotta’s…“I should wash my hair or workout or reach out to so and so… or I gotta clean that oven drawer or do my taxes or purge my closet…or I shouldn’t be scrolling on Instagram…or eating/drinking this or that …or buying this or that.”… or whatever …
I thought this was just a personality trait – maybe a Capricorn thing – or something passed down from my mom’s side…
But in actuality, the habit or pattern of overthinking is a protective mechanism used by the primal brain to avoid feeling emotions.
Just like emotional eating or using alcohol or drugs or “retail therapy” to “cope” with life’s challenges….
I realized that these behaviors are NOT about coping at all, but more about avoiding the experience of FEELING emotions that may be scary, painful or uncomfortable.
To cope is to actually deal with a struggle. “Over-ing” is a way to distract from the emotions involved in the struggle.
Once again it all boils down to FEELING YOUR FEELINGS.
Allowing your emotions to be seen, felt, experienced and then released…
This is necessary in order to be free – to evolve and to e x p a n d as a human being…
PLUS not allowing your feelings to fully express…bypassing to your automatic “OVER-ing” behavior-du-jour only serves to keep you stuck in the cycle…
This deviating pattern can eventually effect your physical and mental health, your relationships, your family, your finances, your work, your outlook…basically your entire life.
It’s time to practice feeling your emotions!
It’s not complicated, but it may be challenging, so I break this down into 3 simple steps:
- NOTICE – Catch yourself in the act of “OVERing”…Practice PAUSING in those moments. (Don’t worry if you miss a ton…It’s OK and even expected that you miss most of them at first.)
- ASK – Without judgement or urgency, simply, lightly and curiously ask yourself: What’s going on? What am I feeling? (Treat yourself lovingly, gently – as you would a little baby who’s fussing.)
- ALLOW – Let those feelings be there. They may be jumbled or layered. Patiently look in. These feelings won’t kill you. I promise. When your emotions are allowed to BE and to express, the energy they carry starts to lose intensity – they calm – and then you can decide when and how to release…whenever you’re ready to let them go…or not.
BONUS STEP: If you want to go a little deeper or if you’e feeling too attached to the emotion, you can go back to Step 2 and ask more about the origin of the feeling(s). Questions like:
- Hmmm🤔 I wonder why this is here right now?
- Where does this feeling come from?
- What is this feeling or emotion trying to show me or teach me?
- What belief or story is attached to it? Is that belief or story actually true? Am I amplifying or creating this belief/story in any way?
- Am I willing to look at this in a different way or reframe this? Can I actually change it or make it better? Or am I better off letting it be and letting it go?
- Why might I resist changing this perspective or letting this attachment to the belief or story go?
- Finish this sentence “If I look at or approach this differently or if I let this go, THEN I ____________….” What happens next in your mind? What vulnerability or expectation or fear follows?
- What do I GAIN by hanging on to this story or feeling? How is this benefiting or protecting me?
You’ll learn so much from this practice – but it’s not a one-and- done – check off the list thing ✅.
This is a lifelong, continuous practice. It’s why we’re all here….to learn and grow…to be free in being who we really, truly are.
Yes, feeling emotions takes courage, commitment and repetitive practice…simply because – most of us, throughout our ENTIRE lives – have been taught and conditioned to NOT deal with our feels.
Make FEELING as second nature and as automated as breathing – or at the very least make it part of your daily/nightly inner work reflection….
When you do, you’ll start to find that your OVER-ing habits, behaviors and automated responses start to calm right down too. 💞
