What’s in it for you?

Wherever you’re suffering, sabotaging or struggling, it’s important to understand that there IS something ‘in it’ for you in being ‘stuck’.

Ouch.

But it’s true.

Otherwise you wouldn’t keep choosing it.💁🏻‍♀️

Now, if you’re like me when I realize I’m struggling, your response to the above might be one of two things:

1. You may justify why this is NOT true and build up your defense arsenal of excuses and deflections so that you can continue on with the struggle. (“Do you think I’m choosing to have XYZ past or present bad thing in my life – or that I CHOSE this condition or bad genes ?? I didn’t choose this!!!” 😖). OR….
2. Accept that this may be true and immediately start judging yourself and beating yourself up as you conclude that you’re a hopeless case and something’s deeply wrong with you…usually followed by endless searching for external solutions (or something or someone else to blame or distract you from moving forward).

Here’s what I finally discovered:

At least in the short term, it’s way, WAYYY easier – and usually MUCH more pleasant – to stay stuck – to keep on doing what I’m doing – and just deal with the consequences later – than it is to take full responsibility for the fact that what I’m choosing:

IS creating my current reality.

And your choices are creating your current reality too.

So what was ‘in it’ for me when I was feeling stuck in my habits, my body, my work, my finances and my life by choosing to continue to stay in a soul-sucking career, to over-drink, over-spend, avoid, distract and disconnect?

• Comfort
• Safety/security
• Familiarity
• The least amount of effort or pain (in the short term, anyway)
• Pleasure/New-ness/Dopamine hits
• Short-term relief from the pressures of life
• Social acceptance and fun(ish) connection

And by continuing to (falsely and unconsciously) believe that these behaviors and patterns were the ONLY way I could experience these 👆 imaginary benefits; I then had to deal with the results that ensued, such as:

• Imbalances in weight/hormones/body + more symptoms
• Dullness about life
• Low self esteem and a lack of confidence
• Overthinking/over analyzing/ always seeking more information/more healing/more doctors/protocols/hacks/workouts/food restrictions/supplements, etc..
• Less money/more debt
• Jammed closet/more “stuff”
• Disconnected in relationships and life
• Living more on the surface vs going deep into the essence of life
• Not serving others as much as I could
• Avoidance (procrastination, distraction, numbing/isolating)
• Perfectionism/needing control

The way ‘out’ of this cycle takes consciousness (self awareness) and then intention > and then lots and lots of practice (including failing) as you begin to shift more into alignment with the beliefs and behaviors that will move you toward the life and body you WANT TO CREATE (vs. the experiences you’re creating by default).

Here’s how to start breaking this down:

So the big ‘a-ha’ for me when I started applying this inner work, was recognizing and appreciating that my beliefs that I had to stay in that job and about my “bad habits” – existed for very good reasons!

I aint’ no dummy or slacker…And neither are you!

That job and those habits were satisfying VERY basic human needs.

At the primal brain level, we’re WIRED to naturally choose the path of least resistance, with the least amount of pain, vulnerability and discomfort…

But at the higher brain level (the pre-frontal cortex)…when we want to break free and create and achieve something greater in our lives…when we want to let go of behaviors that drain our vitality and life-force….when we want to surrender our challenges, wounds and traumas so that we can finally love life, heal, grow and expand….we need to use conscious awareness to integrate and SPARK the change process to propel us forward.

So the question is:

Are you ready to move forward?

If the answer is yes, be brave and start small by picking a tiny change to work on – this is the low hanging fruit. Master that and then build on the next change and the next…

And like I said, expect to mess up.

I can still over-drink and buy clothes I don’t need now and then, but I do so way less than I used to – and I approach those choices with compassion, curiosity, awareness and self-reflection.

I check-in with myself to better understand where I need to do more inner work.

Where my life may be out of balance.

Where I may be stifling – where my heart may be closed or hurting – or protecting itself.

Where I’m taking too much on, creating stories or generating too much pressure for myself….

Where I’m disconnecting, numbing and checking out.

If you approach the change process with perfectionism – that “all or nothing” mindset – you’re basically setting yourself up for eventual failure – so approach your journey with loads of ease, grace, connection and wonder…and probably MOST importantly…with patient flexibility (not too rigid but not too loosey-goosey).

This is a surrender point for you. No matter how challenging your life has been or currently is. You HAVE to decide if it’s time to let that old stuck version of you go.

Remember in the short term, it’s ALWAYS going to be easier to do what’s comfortable, safe, easy and familiar (#BIOLOGICALFACT). It takes courage to decide and commit to experiencing the “suck” involved in change and letting things go, but KNOW this: Your dream or desire is inside of you for a reason.

Honor that – and TRUST that you can BE and do what it takes to get to where your heart is guiding you. 💖