I came across this “motivational meme” recently and it got me thinking about the power of our minds, thoughts and words when it comes to life and our health.
So you may or may not know this, but there are a bunch of online support groups that are focused on conditions like Hashimoto’s, Adrenal Fatigue, Candida, Lyme Disease, Fat Loss, Heavy Metals (not the music, the toxic stuff).
Basically it’s like: “Name that Health Challenge” and there’s a group for it.
I’ve been (and still am) part of some support groups myself in order to learn and help where I can.
For the most part, I find many support groups to be wonderful resources for information, anecdotal evidence, expert opinion, links to published research, unconventional remedies and great suggestions. I swear some of the “lay people” in these groups are way more knowledgeable than most doctors! I have been truly impressed. (There’s a lot of misinformation, dogmatism, bullying and bogus-ness in this kind of forum too, so members beware.)
Another great thing I see is tons of encouragement, compassion and genuine concern for others who are suffering, confused and frustrated. Support groups can be a beautiful place to connect, share, laugh, serve and not feel alone. They certainly have helped me realize that things could be a lot worse and that most people really do care about each other. <3
But what I also see (both inside and outside of support groups) is a LOT of attachment. Attachment that some people have to their condition, pain, disease or limits.
And with that I see (with some) more of a focus on chasing solutions and blaming suffering on circumstances, others or “the system”, with less of an emphasis on self empowerment, personal responsibility and knowing the deeper root cause.
Where in these groups are members encouraged to take an honest, whole life look at how the pain or circumstance got there to begin with?
And please don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying that illness, pain and stuck-ness aren’t real. They’ve been very real to me for sure.
What I’m saying is that, in the majority of cases, the disease or pain is the symptom – not the cause. In most cases, the CAUSE is living a life that’s out of balance. This isn’t a judgement, but a spiritual and energetic observation – and it turns out – there’s a good reason this happens.
In Debbie Ford’s book The Secret of the Shadow, she explains so crisply how, even from birth, we can start to layer on levels of protection and adaptation to keep us safe and to hide our true ‘light’ which may keep us vulnerable by not “fitting in” and being rejected.
Whether it’s abuse, chronic exposure to anxiety or depression, neglect or trauma; at some level and degree, this ‘shielding’ happens to pretty much everyone because we’re human and we have a need to attach meaning and context around experiences – especially negative ones.
She calls these layers “shadows” and they can turn into beliefs (beliefs like “I’m unworthy, unlovable, annoying, too loud, too shy, stupid, ugly, fat, thin, not enough” – whatever).
These shadow beliefs then lead some of us to create “stories” that perpetuate the beliefs, behaviors and patterns that can anchor our lives.
This process can also manifest physically/biochemically into symptoms, inflammation, and diseases like cancer and autoimmunity (which is “self attacking self”).
The author’s personal “story” manifested in addiction.
She recalls being in group therapy at a rehab hearing everyone share their “stories”, dramas and traumas. She writes how she realized:
“..how committed each person was to their individual pain and drama, and how sure they were that their story was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.”
She then turned that realization on herself to uncover she did this as well.
She goes on to assure us all that our stories aren’t bad. They are, in fact, very precious parts of us that shouldn’t be denied.
When the shadows are brought to light, they can serve us in learning and letting go of these layers, so that we can put down our shields, transform and transcend the story, so that we can BE who we’re meant to be instead of being stuck in the same story over and over again.
When reading Debbie Ford’s “story”, a lightbulb went on in me and I was like,
“Hey, I do that too!” (and I’m not even in rehab!).
I hold onto my stories…a lot – even the stories I have about myself that I consider strengths…
Like independence and ambition – which I learned from being the oldest child who had to do things on her own a lot because Mom was busy with the younger siblings. That’s not a bad thing, but guess what I hate doing more than anything? …
Asking for help. Relying on people. “I’ll do it myself, thank you very much.”
When I refuse to look deeper and broader at what’s going on in my life, it’s too easy to use my stories and symptoms as the “root cause” – than to realize – maybe – just maybe – something deeper – that shadow – could be contributing to whatever it is I’ve been chasing, or fixing, healing or building. Be it an autoimmune flair, hormone imbalance, fatigue, weight gain, business, achievement, numbing, more stuff, whatever…
I remember when I was at a very low point in my health a few years ago. I was feeling extremely drained, bloated, foggy and anxious. From my education and research, I suspected some gut issues and a probable Hashimoto’s flair.
I desperately found a functional medicine doctor that was trained by a famous doctor/author that specialized in Hashimoto’s. Insurance didn’t cover my visits, tests or supplements. So over the course of a few months, I ended up spending over $5K with this doc. Money was tight back then, so that was a huge hit and stressor in itself for me, but gosh darn-it, I was going to lick this thing!
Now to be fair, I did uncover some deficiencies and candida overgrowth which were successfully treated. And boy did I learn a ton about these conditions that now serves me and my clients well. But at the time, back then, I never asked myself how I got to that point to begin with… I was so focused on my symptoms, test results, disease and treatment, that I didn’t look at what was going on in my life – how my story was contributing – if not actually causing – my imbalances.
Had I been self aware and brave enough, I would have admitted that I was struggling with my (then) job – which was really a ‘lack of self worth’ situation. The job was in my field of nutrition, but after a few months there, I knew something wasn’t right. The job wasn’t really a fit for me and there was a lot of stifling on my part to just “suck it up”. The thought of leaving was something I thought about for months – and it was during that time of ‘analysis paralysis’ and second guessing/under valuing myself that my health took a turn.
I eventually left the job, but why didn’t I make those connections sooner?
Had I been true to myself instead of focusing on my symptoms while chasing outward solutions; I could have avoided the expense and struggle.
Having said that, I have no regrets at all since I learned from the whole thing and can write about it here. I’m sharing my story in case you or someone in your life might be attached to their condition, disease or story too.
If this is you, see if you can step back and be honest with yourself. Find a friend or professional that will ask you the tough questions. Explore where you might be attached to your story or condition and see if you can empower yourself, even in some small way, to live the life you were meant to live and shine your true light into the world. Journaling, body work, nature, yoga and meditation are all tools I use regularly to go deeper into my heart and out of my head.
This is an exercise/tool I’ve used to help my clients assess their life balance. You can substitute categories that apply more to your own life (i.e, career for purpose, business or home).
Simply place a dot anywhere between the center and outside edge of the circle for each category. The line toward the center can be 1 (meaning things couldn’t be worse in this area) and the line toward the outside edge can be 10 (things couldn’t be better!). When you’re done assigning dots, connect them.
If you see a nice smooth circle toward the mid point on out, that ‘s a good sign that life is in balance. Awesome!
If you see a lot of jagged points, something might need to change – and supplements, medications and doctors aren’t the answer. It’s an inside job.
(Note: If this article sounds like it applies to someone in your life, share it with them and leave it at that. No one can force someone who ‘owns their disease or story’ to disown it or see something they’re not ready to see. It’s too real for them and they may not be ready to recognize the forest through the trees. That’s OK – we all have to find our own way.)
xo,
Ev
